paroles d'avocats

Désolé pour ceux qui ne lisent pas l'anglais, mais c'est tellement bon je voulais le mettre malgré tout :wink:


These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people and attorneys actually said in court, word for word, taken
down and
now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm
while these exchanges were actually taking place.





ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.


____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something
you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you
that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved
in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________ ________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? (iiiiiiii pas fort :wink: )
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. :shock:
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? :shock:
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of concepti on (of the baby) was August
8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a
different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
_____ _________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess. :wink:

_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney.

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Would you like to rephrase that? :shock: :shock:
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did
you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ;Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure ?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
and practising law. ( ma préférée!!)